I'm Not A Pervert
by CasablancaInTheTardis
Summary: Lily James Oneshot. Fluff, Slightly out of character, Strange and rambling but funny, i hope, and cute, i think. Don't let the title put you off : Read and Review! LJ forever! Happy Fanficcing :


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter... but it's only a matter of days...

AN - This is a strange little LJ oneshot that it completely unrelated to Scribblings (which you should read if you haven't already!!) which I think I can blame on my sunburn as it jumps around a bit. It's a bit bits and pieces, but I felt like writing some Lily/James fluff just because I love them - they're adorable!!  
But yes  
The title 'I'm not a pervert' is inspired from my year 8 camp. our camp leader, whose name escapes me, was fiddling with his manly bits through his pants and he caught us looking. being thirteen year olds at the time we thought it was hilarious and he thought he should explain himself - he said 'i'm not a pervert, i'm just adjusting my goolies'... raises eyebrow  
This story bears no relation to the incident I just like the line 'I'm not a pervert' - still cracks me up

Read and Review - I really hope you like it... even if it does ramble a little bit and is slightly non-sensical and un-beta-ed, like I said, blame the sunburn.

Dedication: Ellie, this is for you because you were in my camp group and I think you will marry a James (you know who I mean)

Happy Fanficcing :)

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**I'm Not A Pervert**

As Lily strode swiftly down the third floor corridor she glanced quickly over her shoulder. He had better not be following her!

_Honestly, the nerve of that boy!_ Lily thought to herself angrily, _Just because he's quidditch captain, Head Boy, star student and all around ladies man does NOT mean he can try and feel me up at the end of year party! It doesn't matter how gorgeous his messy hair looks after flying or how his beautiful eyes sparkle when he smiles or how that quidditch uniform shows of his impeccably toned arms… wait! No! Don't think those things!! He's James bloody Potter, for Godric's sake!_

"Evans! Oi, Evans! Wait!"

Lily began walking even faster - how had he found her?

"Evans, come on. Don't make me hex you!" James Potter's voice rang out through the corridor. The red head in question whirled around angrily, training her wand on James - more specifically, straight at his chest.

"Don't you 'Evans' me, you great pervert!" she cried.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" he replied, stopping dead in his tracks.

"Oh, please, Potter," she spat, "Don't play dumb. You were feeling me up just now in the common room!"

"I was not!" James replied, quite taken aback.

"You were too! You think just because you're the quidditch captain who scored the winning goal that I will just gratify your sexual urges, don't you? Think again!" she said, emerald eyes flashing.

"Lily, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about!" he said, taking a step towards her.

"One more step and I'll have a body bind on you so fast…" she warned in a low voice.

"But-" he said taking a step.

"Petrificus tot-"

"Silencio!" James cried in defence - and before he knew it, he had cursed the love of his life into silence. She was now glaring daggers at him, furiously mouthing what James was sure to be curses, and at this point he was incredibly grateful that Lily was average at wandless magic.

"Lily, just stop for a minute, okay?" he said exasperatedly, running a hand through his permanently messy hair. He thought it was probably best that he take this opportunity to talk to Lily uninterrupted - after all, it was once in a blue moon when this girl would not have a smart comeback for something James would say. At his words she crossed her arms angrily and glared at him with all her might.

"Firstly, I did not feel you up - I have no idea where you got that from."

Lily gestured wildly at her face, as if to say 'if you take off this silencing charm I'll tell you, you prat'.

"Promise you won't hex me?"

She shook her head.

Heaving an impossibly heavy sigh, knowing that he was releasing her at his own peril, James lifted the charm.

"You smacked my arse!" she cried indignantly.

"I did no such thing," James replied, shocked.

"You did too. I saw you and your marauding lot walking past and then, I swear on Merlin's grave, one of you sexually assaulted me!"

"It bloody well wasn't me!" he denied, eyes wide, "It must've been… Oh holy mother of- I'm going to _kill_ Sirius!" he yelled. Lily smirked involuntarily. He really was adorable when he was outraged. Whoa! Hold the phone! Lily Evans just thought of James Potter as adorable - this was not good. All her previous amusement at James' outrage evaporated as she realised she was angry at him for no reason.

"So it- it wasn't you?" she asked in a strangled voice. James shook his head frowning.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Will you stop repeating everything I say?" she snapped irritably.

"Sorry," James said with a cheeky grin, "I just love listening to you speak." Lily blushed heavily despite the fact that it was her arch-enemy complimenting her.

"Cut it out, Potter," she said, although the harsh tone she had been aiming for didn't really come across.

"But seriously, Lily, I didn't.. you know. I mean, I'm not a pervert," James said, his grin widening.

"Sure you're not. I bet those dirty mags under your bed tell a different story," she quipped with something of a smirk.

"Well I never! Head Girl Evans knows what's in a dirty mag," James joked, "Besides, they are under _Sirius' _bed."

"Why am I not surprised?" Lily cracked a true smile and James felt his stomach do a pleasant flip flop.

"So do you want to go back to the party? We did win the house cup, after all," James asked politely.

"I don't know. I kind of enjoy the peace and quiet out here," Lily said.

"Well, I'll keep you company then," James said walking over to her.

"Uh, what part of peace and quiet did you not understand?"

"The part about leaving me behind."

"Look, James, just go back to your party. I'm sure your harem is missing you," she said with more acerbity than originally intended. But her nasty tone when mentioning James' enthusiastic fan club went unnoticed by the boy in question who was suddenly ecstatic.

"You called me James," he said, eyes twinkling.

"What? No I didn't!"

"Yes, you did. You said 'James, go back to your party'. I can't believe you called me James," he said happily.

"Neither can I," Lily said, frowning. _What's wrong with me? Two seconds ago I was accusing him of slapping my bottom and now I'm calling him by his first name and blushing at his compliments. What the?_

She shook her head slightly, as if trying to get water out of her ears, before James spoke.

"Err, Lily, are you okay?" he asked hesitantly.

"I'm fine," she said vaguely, before turning around and starting to walk away.

"Hey, wait, where are you going?" James yelled, running after her.

"Away from you," Lily called in an uncertain voice, breaking into a brisk walk. If she knew one thing, she knew she had to get away from James Potter. She was suddenly feeling very confused, and not a little light-headed.

"Evans, come back!" James yelled irritably. Honestly, this girl was such an enigma. One minute she's yelling, then she's blushing, then she's running away again. _Girls_ James thought to himself.

"Just leave me alone, James," she cried over her shoulder.

"But I'm not a pervert!" he yelled desperately.

"I know!" she kept walking.

"But- but, I haven't finished telling you what I was telling you!"

Lily whipped around suddenly - she seemed to be doing that a lot this evening - and nearly flicked James in the face with her long, red hair. In fact, he took a precautionary step backwards just in case - not to mention their sudden proximity to one another seemed to increase his stomach acrobatics.

"Yes?" she said in a demanding tone.

"Okay," James said, suddenly uncertain, "Before I was telling you that it wasn't me who tapped you on the bum-"

"What a charming way with words you have," Lily cut in sarcastically.

"Will you let me finish?" James asked. Lily just shrugged.

"Okay, well after that I wanted to tell you that I wouldn't do that… inappropriate thing-"

"Because you're not a pervert, I know!"

"Yeah, but not just that. But 'cause I respect you too much anyway."

Lily snorted derisively - although James thought it was charming - "Respect?"

"Yes."

"You don't respect me!"

"Yeah I do!" he replied, a bit hurt that she doubted his conviction.

"So when you repeatedly ask me out and embarrass me in front of the entire school and make fun of my love of books, you're respecting me?" she said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Huh?" James said dumbfounded. Where did all that come from? Lily certainly did uphold the reputation of the fiery redhead.

"Fine, I accept that you _aren't a pervert_ but not for one second do I believe that you respect me," Lily said, and she felt a sudden sadness as she acknowledged this.

"Wait on!" James commanded, "That's just not true. I only make fun of you and ask you out because I _like you_ Lily. And you know what, for someone who reads as much as you do, I would've expected you to have worked that out."

"You don't like me James, you like the _idea_ of me."

"You're right, Evans, I don't like you," James said. Lily felt tears suddenly sting at her eyes. Silly, really, considering she didn't have any feelings for James Potter aside from annoyance.

"I don't like you, Evans," James repeated, impulsively grabbing at her hand, "I love you." Lily felt herself choke on the air she was breathing.

"Wh-what?" she spluttered.

"I _love_ you, Lily. But you just can't see it. I have been in love with you since I first saw you at Kings Cross in first year. But I was an idiot. I made fun of you because I was a stupid kid and you never got past that. Even this past year, I swear I've matured. Merlin, Dumbledore wouldn't have made me Head Boy for nothing. But no! You can't see that stuff. And I really want you to see it. Because, well, I love you. And that's about it, really.." he trailed off, blushing brilliantly, having never felt so stupid or exposed in his entire life.

"Oh," Lily said, mouth slightly agape, eyebrows as high as they could go with out receding into her hairline.

"Oh?" James repeated hopefully.

"Oh," Lily replied in a deadpan.

"Oh," James echoed, disappointedly, "Well, now that's said, I'd best be off. Now you know that I.. well, you know, and you know I'm not a pervert, I suppose that's all I really needed to… Lily, why are you laughing?"

Lily had indeed begun to chuckle. Softly at first, but then the giggles began to flow and soon she was leaning on the wall in silent laughter. James was a bit affronted actually. He had just told the girl he wanted to spend forever and a day with that he loved her, and she was laughing in his face. It was quite galling, really.

"Are you done?" he asked acidly, his normally warm hazel eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"Oh… s-sorry," Lily managed as she got herself under control, "It's just… I've b-been so stupid!"

"I know I shouldn't have- wait, what?"

"I refused to see it, James, because I didn't want to see it," Lily explained.

"I'm sorry but you've lost me," James said, now eyeing Lily as though she belonged in a permanent ward in St Mungo's. Lily sighed.

"You're going to make me admit I was wrong aren't you?" she said resignedly.

"I'm still not following."

"You know, for someone who is top of the year academically, you are startlingly slow," Lily quirked an eyebrow at him.

_Lily is acting mighty strange,_ James thought, _But that's why I love her, I suppose._

"Why do you think I always yell at you for showing off? Why do you think I immediately assumed that it was you who slapped my behind tonight?" she asked.

"Dunno?"

"Same reason you repeatedly tease me and ask me out, James," she said, allowing the corner of her mouth to twitch up in amusement as comprehension slowly dawned on James' face.

"So, you mean…?

"You really want me to spell it out, don't you, Potter?"

"Yes, Evans. Someone as slow as me needs things to be spelt out," he replied cheekily. Lily rolled her eyes dramatically.

"Okay, Potter, don't push it. I just mean that… well, I like you too, I guess."

"You like me?" James teased.

"I like you," she replied, blushing slightly. She could not believe she had suddenly realised her feelings for James Potter and had promptly told him exactly what she felt. She had never been so open in her life and it was more than a little frightening.

"Lily Evans likes me," James mused out loud, unable to keep the smirk off his handsome face.

"Don't harp on about it - remember, I can still hex you," she said warningly, and James didn't doubt her for a second.

"Now, just to clarify, one - I'm not a pervert, so don't consider this sexual harassment, and two - would you really want to hex someone who can do this?" And without further ado, he closed the distance between them, wrapping his strong arms around her and kissing her forcefully on the lips. Lily felt her body respond immediately to his touch and she wondered why it had taken her so long to admit to her feelings.

James placed one hand in the small of her back and tangled the other in her long hair, while she had wrapped both her arms around his neck and was pressing every available inch of her body against his. For someone who had been so offended by a slap on the bottom, Lily certainly was not holding back when it came to snogging the Head Boy in a corridor. When James broke the kiss to tell her just that, she responded with a simple, "Oh, shut up," and kept right on kissing him.

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AN - slightly abrupt ending but i need sleep... and aloe vera cream. Please review if you have time.  
If you're looking for a more in-character, fleshed out piece, check my other lj oneshot - Scared - or my long (and i mean LONG) lj story - Scribblings of a Red Head and a Quidditch Captain.  
Thanks a bundle!! Happy fanficcing :)


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